Although most people would not have known it, I have been struggling for quite some time with discouragement and depression. There are many factors that have played into this struggle, but one thing kept rising to the surface–my own, personal inadequacy. I felt inadequate as a dad, a husband, a leader, a pastor, a church planter, a teacher . . . the list went on and on. I just wanted to quit, but something, or Someone wouldn’t let me.
The Holy Spirit kept reminding me of the Apostle Paul’s inadequacies that were magnified by his “thorn in the flesh.” Yet, God was using this thorn and Paul’s insufficiency to drive him to a deeper dependence upon God and His grace (see 2 Corinthians 12:7-9). I see many similarities between myself and Paul in this regard. One of the motivating factors behind this thorn was to prevent Paul from becoming self-sufficient and prideful as a result of the unique blessings Paul had experienced. I too have been a prideful and independent man. I know God hates pride and maybe God was opening my eyes to my own inadequacies, not to drive me to quit, but rather drive me to complete and humble dependence upon God and His power!
However, real victory came as I studied for the message I preached over the Fourth of July weekend (2016). It was the passage in Luke chapter 9 (also mentioned in the other three Gospels) about Jesus feeding five thousand men, plus women and children, with an inadequate food supply. This message was just what I needed to remind me it’s never been about me! It’s not about my leadership or communication skills . . . it’s all about me placing myself, my inadequacies, my faults, my failures, my time, my talents, my treasures . . . placing ALL OF ME into the hands of a MORE THAN ADEQUATE GOD!
For so long, I have depended upon myself without even realizing it. I gloated in my self-sufficiency even when I wouldn’t admit it. I patted myself on the back when no one was looking. However, there is a huge, huge problem that we self-sufficient folks face . . . that’s when we come face to face with an area where we feel “less than sufficient.” Because we depend so much on self, talents, abilities, etc., when we come across a situation we can’t handle we tend to get discouraged, depressed and frustrated. However, if we would learn to depend upon God 24-7 in every way, we would relieve ourselves of this pressure to perform.
I honestly believe there are some things God allows us to do in the power and the energy of the flesh. We know this to be true because unbelievers accomplish things and design inventions every single day, and they are not indwelt by the Holy Spirit. Imagine what would happen if we would become more like that nameless little boy who offered Jesus his inadequate, insufficient meal. Not only was the meal small, but it was probably the meal of the poor. Some commentators suggest these loaves were more like small, barley rolls. Barley rolls were the bread of the poor. His meal was inadequate in every way. It was inadequate in size, and it was inadequate in quality. The awesome thing is God was pleased to use it! I believe with all my heart the same is true about what we offer to God from humble and sincere hearts. God can do so much more with our inadequacies, our talents, and our treasures than we could ever dream.
So go ahead, and give it all to Jesus! The good, the bad and the ugly. Only He can take inadequate, insufficient human beings and save their souls and use them for His glory. Oh, by the way, it sure takes a whole lot of pressure off of you when you let Him have it all. Then you realize that all along, it’s never been about you and what you can do; it’s all about what He can do with and through you!